The Daily Nicolas: The Threnodyl Press Incident

In the early hours of the morning, the Threnodyl Printing Press received a visitor. Monsieur ‘Nicolas’ Silas Gideon Alaric Bartholomew-Crispin (with a hyphen) Ledgerly. Monsieur Ledgerly explained that there was an issue with the printing service printing false information regarding the greatest fashionista in The Deep, and that the false information had led to an acute state of litter throughout the villages of Tepes. Monsieur Ledgerly added that ‘Count Pompous’ was most disgruntled by this, and wasting the valued time of ‘decent folk’ with his complaints. Monsieur Ledgerly had come to inspect the ink and decide on further actions.

The manager introduced himself as Mr Tickford, and Mr Ledgerly, who had a splendid plaid jacket, asked ‘Mr Tickturd’ to show him around. Mr Ledgerly inspected the press, the ink, the paper, the kitchen, and the ‘over-dressed secretaries.’ Once the inspection was complete, Mr Ledgerly informed ‘Mr Tickturd’ that the ink had been poisoned by the copious amount of ticks infecting the vats. He added that haemorrhagic fever, a by-product of tickturdery, was implicit within the ink, and that the great ink-eaters of Neferaten would suffer profusely as a result.

Mr Tickford did not have the foggiest idea what Mr Ledgerly was going on about, but it sounded serious. Mr Ledgerly shutdown the press with immediate effect and commandeered the entire infrastructure reopening it instantly under the name ‘The Nicolas Press,’ and affirmed that only one paper would be printed, ‘The Daily Nicolas.’ This way he could complain day in, and day out, and send a copy to Behmor so Behmor could address his complaints.

Mr Ledgerly also felt that, with his input, the media would offer a more balanced perspective of the rumours surrounding one Nicolas DeSilva. Unfortunately, the company had a few employees who were known to be a tad anti-Nicolas. It was sad to have to declare them insane, but a vital part of restructuring.

Behmor Receives The Paper

Behmor was delighted to receive the first copy of The Daily Nicolas, alongside a rather unflattering and quite frankly horrifying self-portrait from his father that morning. Behmor knew he was obliged to put the picture on his desk, a picture that was signed ‘The Great Nicolas DeSilva, Dad,’ but after reading the first two pages of The Daily Nicolas, he dropped it into the void and needed three whiskeys to overcome the thrilling gift of the portrait.

Leeches, Naturally

Allyra was dressing when Nicolas and Ledgerly returned. Nicolas was feeling particularly animated, and decided to excite Allyra with some rubbish about leeches,

‘Don’t you think leeches are discriminated against?’

He started.

‘I can’t say I’ve given it much thought.’ Allyra replied, not really listening.

‘They don’t have legs, and why don’t they have legs?’

‘I know!’ Webster said raising his hand.

‘Let’s go with the man in the mirror as no one else is listening to me!’

‘Because they are discriminated against!’

‘Give Web-Star a bean,’ Nicolas sang, flicking his mouldy fast food at the mirror,

‘They are discriminated against and that is why they do not have legs.’

Then, suddenly, Nicolas was gone.

Legs for Leeches

Allyra finished dressing and went upstairs only to find Nicolas carrying around a huge sign that read, ‘Legs for Leeches.’

It just so happened that after the second lake at The Twin Lakes was drained, groundwater enabled the survival and evolution of some rather large leeches. These were farmed daily for the medics of The Deep. Leeches, apparently, cured everything. Not ticks though, ticks made people ill, but the leeches could cure the bleeding caused by the ticks. In practise, this did not work, but the physicians hoped that if everyone believed it worked then one day it might.

‘Whilst you are with Kane, I think I will protest on behalf of the leech community!’

Nicolas announced. Allyra thought that was a great idea, as he would be annoying someone else.