Act II: The Jester and The Immoless
Scene I; Prelude, The Pied Piper and The Beavers
The 2nd Day of the 4th Moon, 1536 P.V.
Sapari
During the small hours, a messenger arrived in Sapari on horseback. The horse was somewhat foolish looking. It appeared to grin and had huge goofy teeth. The new harbour master, a young man named Billy Botwell who had been dispatched from Threnodyl after the strange disappearance of the old harbour master, tried not to stare. He considered staring rude but could not help glancing every now and then at the strange beast. He even smiled at the horse in a moment of awkwardness, and the horse grinned back, making him feel even more awkward.
The situation worsened when a raven swooped down, landed on the quayside next to the horse, spilled in a heap of guts and bones and a red-headed pied piper, Chester, stepped out from the debris.
Chester grew to his full height as the raven reassembled itself. Billy rubbed his eyes in disbelief, put the whole experience down to the Ashurrel leaf he was chewing, and spat it on the walkway.
‘That’s government property you’re soiling there!’ Chester pointed out with some force, squaring up to the poor little lad. The messenger riding the overfriendly horse, who was clad in purple and wore an eye patch, waved a hand at Chester,
‘Easy now, the lad is clearly new!’
The messenger smiled at the lad, the lad smiled back, and the messenger’s smile dropped,
‘Pick it up! Ya filthy landlubber!’
Billy dropped to his knees and scooped up the damp leaves, and not knowing what to do with them shoved them back into his mouth and gagged.
The messenger ignored the retching and got straight down to business. He informed the new harbour master that his name was Bigglesworth, Commodore Bigglesworth or Commodore Nicolas Bigglesworth, and stated that he had ridden through the night along the coast to relay an urgent message. Pirates were headed to Sapari. Not a single pirate ship, but several, a fleet in fact. An armada. The pirates, Nicolai-Bigglesworth claimed, were intending to steal wood from the shipyard.
Billy did not think to ask where the message had emanated from or who had ordered its forwarding as he was still uneasy about the whole grinning horse and raven splatter debacle.
Once the message had been relayed, and Bigglesworth’s first job of the day accomplished, Bigglesworth turned to Chester and explained his next job of the day,
‘The Immoless!’ He stated, without further explanation.
‘Neferaten,’ Chester replied.
Chester then crouched down and the bone, guts and feathers of the same raven that had disturbed Billy, split apart, engulfed Chester and flew away at a speed only animals dosed with vampire blood could manage. Billy watched with his mouth agape, annoying Bigglesworth,
‘Well, boy! Don’t just stand staring, get the message out.’
Billy nodded and acted immediately.
Bigglesworth made haste on Nicolas’s goofy vampiric horse, Zimba, along the quayside, bypassed the town and rode into the Dokeshi Carnival where he tethered the horse. He then summoned the guardians of Dokeshi, two demonic clown lovers, Scurra and Phylax to stand guard. Once the demons were in position, Bigglesworth crouched and allowed an albatross to absorb him and flew out to The Sombre.
The harbour master, who was a little disturbed by all the carry on, immediately sent word to the shipyard, and advised that they move the wood, via a caravan, to the village of Ashurrel that bordered Togaduine. This, Billy reasoned, was the only logical course of action as Ashurrel was far from port. He did not want the workers to enter Togaduine as, it was believed, a tyrant ruled the kingdom. A tyrant based in Corax Asylum. The labourers at the shipyard acted immediately.
Nonetheless, the new harbour master, being a bit of a jobsworth, decided to undertake every precaution. He declared that all ships should leave port and anchor together building an impenetrable wall on the horizon, whilst avoiding the local fishermen to prevent produce diminishment. It just so happened that the same harbour master had been gifted a cargo of anchors not a week before, from the brand ‘Ferromagnetic DeSilva,’ at least that is what the boxes said.
The ships formed their wall, and used the anchors to secure their positions, but it became apparent by late afternoon that there was no pirate armada, and the ships attempted to return to shore. However, somewhere there was a reversal of polarity in the magnetic anchors and the ships slammed together crunching the hulls, buckling the decks, and causing a huge mess in the ocean. The debris was formidable, and everyone forgot about the wood.
When Billy finally dispatched a caravan to retrieve the wood they found it quite gone. Everyone was disgruntled, but before any investigation got underway Billy met an untimely death after a three ton anchor fell on his oversized head from a crane winch. The new harbour master soon became the old harbour master, and a harbour master from Ashurrel was sent to replace him, which was a little odd as Ashurrel had no proximity to the ocean. It was also a little odd that the new harbour master sported green locks, had eight eyes and called himself, ‘Rachnoc.’ The dock workers did not know what to make of Nicolai-Rachnoc and his excess of eyes, and rumours soon flew about that he was a loony recently escaped from Corax Asylum. The rumours were started by a dock labourer named Samson. The rumours stopped when Samson’s intestines accidentally released themselves from his body and wrapped around the drum of a dodgy capstan.
The Lord of Sapari wrote to Tepes to complain about the entire matter, and Tepes wrote to Theaten. Theaten forwarded his concerns to Nicolas by raven, and said letter was dumped, along with a few body parts, into the drains at Ashurrel.
No one knew who was responsible for the Ferromagnetic anchors, but some recognised the horse. And there were rumours.
There were also rumours about Chester. Some claimed that the love god, who’s reputation preceded him, was a legend. Others believed he was Nicolas, or a cad, or a monster, and others still considered him to be an opportunistic postman. All rumours were, in fact, partially correct.
Chester was an infamous demon, infamous in Irkalla, and infamous in Corax Asylum, who Nicolas called the ‘The Pied Piper’ on account of the amount of beaver that followed him desperately trying to blow his massive flute. Nicolas was often jealous of Chester’s success with the ladies and put it down to his unusual appearance and impeccable taste. Chester was, in fact, a special Nicolai. He was the embodiment of Nicolas’s libido, his Evro, a walking dick and balls with the gift of the gab, and the skillset to match.
During the snowy first moon of 1536 P.V., Chester had spent his time building up a following of sorts around Neferaten. He moved from village to village keeping the ladies of every occupation and class warm. He found that dressing as a postman opened doors, and legs, with very little explanation needed. His raven allowed him to move swiftly between villages and broaden his portfolio of conquests. He had intended to return to his ladies sooner, but Nicolas insisted that he spent the second and third moon with Allyra on account of Nicolas and the prolific scientist and strategist Nicolai-Webster developing the new plan, Plan BAT, Belua Alvearis Tyrannus.
This restriction on Chester’s movements caused a day of yowling, sulking and whining, but Nicolas flipped his two-headed coin for the job, and Chester lost. Chester considered Nicolas and Webster’s plans to be a waste of time as previous plans and procedures to alleviate the recurring problem troubling the Nicolai had failed.
Webster called the problem Alveus Vacuus Problemus or AVP for short.
Several plans had been executed over several centuries, and all failed with quite horrific consequences. Nicolas and Webster had really upped the ante during the previous five years, but their plans continued to backfire. Webster blamed Nicolas, and Nicolas blamed Webster. Chester did not care who blamed who, he cared that his balls were temporarily in a sling. Nonetheless, he did adhere to the new plan and spent two moons being the perfect boyfriend. Of course, he had been Allyra’s ‘perfect’ boyfriend for the past five years, but he diligently increased love-bombing and worrying Allyra with his fake sympathy, mesmerism and coercion to enhance that appearance for Nicolas’s sake.
You see, Dear Reader, part of the problem worrying the Nicolai was that they did not have a queen, and part of the solution, Nicolas decided, involved taking a bride, and he had idealistic notions of how this should play out. These notions stemmed largely from his prolific reading of Carmilla Fanu’s dark romance novels. Nicolas somehow convinced himself that he was the dark handsome prince, protecting women from his own wrath. You could say that he misinterpreted the ideas behind the novels as he was conflicted in the realistic conveyance of the tropes.
Nicolas understood that first he had to be the beast, and threatening, and then he had to also be the dark, morally grey, romantic hero redeemed by love. Unfortunately, Nicolas failed to realise that these novels were fiction, and that the heroes were not nearly as repulsive as he was. The repulsive beast came quite naturally to Nicolas, but the hero side not so much, and he had no interest in personal redemption of any sort. He also failed to correctly comprehend the order of the narrative functions. In practise this meant that most of the time his would-be brides were dead by Nicolas the Monster’s hand before Nicolas the Prince rocked up to save them.
Nicolas also misunderstood the word ‘no’ and interpreted it as the ‘princess’ being coy or shy, so when the potential bride reacted to his advances with some hostility, the beast became extraordinarily perturbed, and as such most of his plans failed spectacularly.
Now, Dear Reader, I have digressed a little from the prelude, or prologue, you may view it either way. This prelude focuses on the sufferings of Chester not the stupid ideas of Nicolas, so let us return to that.
Nicolas was more than ready to descend upon Allyra, show her the beast and the prince, and generally make her life difficult until she fell in love with him. Since Nicolas had planned a busy day of annoying Allyra, or as Nicolas called it, ‘seducing the Immoless’ Chester was free to revisit the pussies of the ladies of Neferaten and secretly get Allyra back for hitting Nicolas with a metal rod.
Unfortunately for poor Chester, the ladies had moved on.
Chester was quite happy to cheat and roam locating new conquests, and equally happy to dump any woman on a whim, but he did not take well to being the recipient of the same treatment.
He blamed the loose virtues of the women, not the manipulative natures of the men, for these atrocities and reacted with the wrath of a creature forlorn and broken-hearted by such cruel rejections.
The 2nd Day of the 4th Moon, 1536 P.V.
Neferaten
Chester took a detour to Corax, after his stopgap at Sapari, to change into his postman’s uniform, then flew directly to Tiye where hordes of beaver awaited his return.
The beavers had arrived in Neferaten during the first moon of the year. They had followed Chester there, as beaver followed Chester everywhere, it was a burden he had to bear. The beaver remained in Tiye where they dropped logs and dug holes.
Chester had not gone to Tiye to meet the beavers. Nonetheless, he did lead them quickly to a watering hole by one of the bridges and blessed them by biting his own wrist and adding a few drops of blood to the water for the sake of their virility and fertility. That was what he claimed anyway.
Chester actually returned to Tiye to meet with the beautiful thesapien glassblower, Thalia. Thalia had fascinatingly bobbed, brown hair with thick streaks of ginger, which Chester approved of, and was able to examine in some detail as he spent most of his time with Thalia during the first moon, staring at the top of her head or watching himself fuck her in the glass. He liked the ginger in her hair as he liked women who reminded him of himself. Chester had spent the entire first week of the first moon with Thalia who demonstrated her prolific blowing skills on him. She also showed him the processes surrounding glass manufacturing.
Although Nicolas had only offered Chester a day to hump his way through Neferaten on this occasion, a challenge Chester was more than capable of meeting, he had hoped to see Thalia’s head one last time before ending their courtship.
Chester desperately wanted to surprise Thalia with his magnificent presence, and even considered railing her with his gloriously long tongue as a thank you. As such, our cat walked the circumference of the warehouse, climbed up the outer wall to the window and peered in.
Chester liked to spy and stare, it was a common trait among the Immortalis who framed it as reasonably protective and caring behaviour as opposed to downright creepy and wrong.
Thalia was busy blowing pipes, but there was no glass involved. Instead, she was blowing the pipes of the tanner and the cheesemaker, at the same time. It was one thing for Chester to romance three or four women at once, but for a woman to do it with multiple men seemed crude and outrageous. This, however, did not stop Chester staring, and one hand took a wander into his pants as the other paw clawed into the woodwork keeping him balanced.
Passers-by opted not to look up as rumour had it that the sadist Nicolas masqueraded as a postman or a pied piper, also the people of The Deep were also used to postmen slipping more than letters into the women’s boxes.
Once all loads had been blown, Chester decided to pay Thalia a visit to confront her about her infidelity, even though they were not in a relationship. He waited until both men made their hasty departure, purchased a large jug of iced water to cool his temper from a street seller who wore a yellow and black robe and called himself Robert, then addressed his concerns with Thalia before her employees arrived.
Thalia was unrepentant and annoyed, as if it was Chester’s fault that she was a hoe. During her angry rant, in which she attributed a comprehensive compendium of unpleasant nouns to Chester, Thalia inhaled so sharply and viciously that somehow molten glass just leapt from its crucible and into her mouth. The force of entry was so great that it spewed down her throat, followed closely by a glass jar of iced water.
Chester rammed the glass in so hard that it cracked, tearing her lips, and mouth open. He pushed and rotated his hand continually until the whole container sat in shards in Thalia’s mouth and throat. The ice sizzled against the molten glass. Thalia’s eyes rolled back into white orbs as she tried to scream, but only steam came out. Then angry shards of glass desperately tried to escape their captivity by ripping through her throat. Her twitching body collapsed to the floor. More steam pumped out through the newly splayed orifices allowing Thalia to blow as much as she desired.
Chester was heartbroken. And hungry. His face elongated, his eyes narrowed and shone a ravenous emerald. As Thalia lay convulsing, Chester raised her skirt, pulled down her fine thong, and, after some exploration and tasting with his thick black tongue bit into her mound. She retched a few final attempts at breathing, then stilled. Chester took another bite, then another, swallowing the meat and blood as only a refined gentleman could.
His thirst unexpectedly experienced additional satisfaction through the consumption of the thick blood provided by the moonly rationale for her offering only head to her suitors on that glorious day. This pleased Chester and he decided to have a quick goodbye fuck for luck. There was not much left to fuck, but he managed to locate the remains of two orifices that sat close together and this sufficed.
Chester bored of Tiye as soon as Thalia’s employees started showing up. The people were constant whingers. They complained about the loss of their chief glassblower, they complained about the beavers ‘upsetting the ecosystem,’ Chester didn’t even know what that meant, and they complained about the locusts that seemed to like Chester’s favourite aftershave. His aftershave was a bespoke and expensive number based on the erotic smell of rotting cabbages. The ladies seemed to like it too, or at least they met with an untimely demise if his taste in essences was brought into question.
When Chester tired of the moaning, he changed course and travelled east to the village of Shepsut playing a merry tune from within his raven.
Some of the beavers remained in Tiye and some of the beavers followed.
The village of Shepsut operated both the grain stores and the laundry. Lilith did not care to do her own laundry, and despised the sight of washing lines, so all laundry in Shaenaten was sent to Shepsut. The Shepsutians made money, and Lilith did not have to look at the mess. This suited everyone.
During his first moon in Neferaten, Chester had fallen in love with all the ladies of the grain store. On his return, and feeling irritably amorous, he discovered, after a little foreplay with three or four of his lovers, that a rather repulsive worm outbreak had occurred in places where worms ought not to be.
Chester blamed the ink-eaters of the area who treated the granary as a brothel, and the brothel as another brothel, for the outbreak. The ink-eaters were renowned snobs, all of whom had families and worked in banking.
The DeSilva Banks were operated by Pauley the Cheese and Nicolas’s public relations Nicolai, the black suited media mogul Monsieur Silas Gideon Alaric Bartholomew-Crispin (with a hyphen) Ledgerly.
Ledgerly and Pauley had specifically noted on all contracts that employees were banned from having worms, lice, scabies or chlamydia. It seemed to Chester that the ink-eaters had failed to keep their end of the contract. He sent word via raven to Chives that the tertiary horde of Nicolai were to be dispatched to all branches and would take over immediately as managers given the obvious lapse in employee standards.
Chives prepared the carriages.
Ledgerly, who had just returned from Serphage with a printing job for Corax’s resident ghostwriter Nicolai-Bink ‘Binky’ McSnort regarding some inappropriate shenanigans by the coast, and Pauley the Cheese who had a day off from dosing the boars at the racetrack, went from town to town taking the third horde of Nicolai to the respective banks where they were immediately all declared manager.
Pauley informed the staff of each branch, whilst he and Ledgerly had a little taste of the secretaries, that, in all branches, the new manger was called Mr Robert Robert. Nicolas had no issue in giving the Nicolai the same, or similar names. Several of the Nicolai were intentionally given variations of the name Nic, so that Nicolas could effectively praise himself when he praised them.
The old bank managers were immediately declared insane and returned to Corax as a snack for the vampires. Each Robert Robert then directed the staff of each branch to change Theaten’s name on all paperwork to Lord Robert Robert of Robert.
Chester could not let the matter of the worms rest. He was so hurt that the ladies he loved had tried to infect him that he introduced his favourite couple, Terry and Teresa Tapeworm to the grain stores.
In a moment of compassion, however, Chester decided to take his favourite laundry operator, the scrubber Mira, from Shepsut to the beautiful oasis of Seti, in the north, to save her virtue from the old and new worm outbreaks. He even allowed her to fly with him by raven.
Some of the beavers followed with a haste only seen in creatures gifted with Immortalis or vampire blood.
Once at the oasis, Mira scrubbed Chester all over, polished and fiddled his flute, and swallowed every last note. Chester had trained her well and decided to train her further with a delicious threesome. On informing Mira of this idea, she seemed a little less enthusiastic about Chester, but he was determined to pursue the matter and scuttled off to find some nice women open to joining in.
He mewed and purred about a few of the women on the secluded beaches, sampling some as he went, until he came across three dark haired thesapiens paddling in the shallows of the water. They were quite naked and clearly enjoying each other’s company as they were kissing and licking one another’s breasts. Chester perched himself in a nearby palm tree and peered at them through a telescope that rapidly grew in his hand.
The three ladies were so relaxed in each other’s presence that the licking soon gravitated south. The telescope grew again, and some humidity steamed up the lens. Chester quickly scampered down from the tree, removed his clothes, and joined the ladies in the still waters.
They were not pleased to see him.
At first, the ladies were resistant to his offer to clean them, and then resistant to his suggestion that he show them how to lick like a cat. In fact, it shocked Chester to learn that they had no interest in him at all, and that they were only interested in each other, and not in men.
After some thought Chester realised that the women were confused and offered a free night in his company which would, according to Chester, undoubtedly cure them. The comment earned him quite a slap from the tallest of the brunettes. He could not understand it. This was new territory, and since it was new territory, Chester decided that perhaps it required marking.
Chester was feeling quite full, having consumed a lot of blood from the more generous ladies of Seti and released a spray. The spray was prolific and not especially pleasant since he always ate onions with his tributes.
The ladies were a tad put out by it and all three set about him with their fists. The cat rushed to shore, quickly dressed and climbed back into his tree. The women ignored him as they sunk under the water desperately attempting to remove the stench of ammonia from their flesh.
Chester removed his gloves briefly to lick his paws, then took a vial of clear fluid from the inner pocket of his jacket.
He collected suspended infectious disease and bacteria. It was a hobby. His plush chambers behind the hall of mirrors in Corax consisted of a bed covered in black silk sheets and black shelves filled with such vials, each carefully marked. Chester always carried one or two vials on his person, alongside a bottle of sulphuric acid, just in case someone annoyed him.
As the ladies continued to cleanse themselves, Chester climbed down from the tree, unsealed the bottle and poured the clear fluid into the water. The label read ‘Accelerated Necrotising Fasciitis.’ He edged away from the water and sat on the sand watching.
At first there was scratching, then clawing, followed by gouges.
Chester was a natural and caring biocentric. He believed that certain bacteria had been oppressed by systemic exclusion, and the poor creatures deserved a place to thrive. Whilst laying on the beach looking at the suns, he had decided that necrotising fasciitis was disadvantaged by the most latent social exclusion and judgement, and that by pouring the dear little bacteria into the oasis he had created balance in this hideous disequilibrium.
It did not take long for additional bruises to appear and open as the gouges spread and lurked about the tormented bodies. It took less time for the flesh to strip back from the bone and the ladies to crawl onto the beach begging Chester to help them. Chester shook his head, smirked and held up the empty vial. By the time the ladies had realised what was happening, the disenfranchised bacteria had found, not only a new home, but a source of food. Chester was pleased for them.
As the ladies writhed and peeled on the beach, he created and sang The National Anthem for the Integration of Vulnerable Bacteria,
‘Oh, I can just see,
Your new home so be free.
Grow and feed preciously,
And spread abundantly.
Oh, chew your way through,
Wicked flesh as you do,
Leave the bones for the coup,
Good times are coming for you.
Bacteria be free,
And spread abundantly.’
As Chester sang his eloquent tune for the fourth time, the bacteria rejoiced in peeling the flesh from the faces of their victims. The still living bodies, flayed, gouged and chewed, glared at Chester through horrified eyes, widened by the absence of flesh.
The sand was quite elated as the red tint from the blood made a change from the curse of constantly yellow grains.
Chester gave the ladies a cheerful wave, as they heaved and writhed about in their own minced flesh, and decided to return to Mira.
Mira, meanwhile, had taken Chester’s threesome idea under advisement, and on Chester’s return he found her being pounded from both ends by two lads on spring vacation. Chester was not amused. He had had a dreadful day, and the one soul he tried to save had betrayed him. You see, when Chester suggested the threesome, he assumed he would be included. The exclusion added further insult to all the other injuries Neferaten had inflicted upon him, causing great sorrow.
He watched from the sand dunes and waited until all was done. The lads took a quick dip in the oasis where many of Chester’s bacterium were waiting to make friends with them. He then approached Mira and led her lovingly to a rock pool. He lowered her in, scrubbed her as she had done to him. Licked her. Caressed her. Then climbed out and invigorated the water with sulphuric acid. He held Mira’s shoulders firmly and watched as she struggled and fizzed like one of Nicolas’s anti-cabbage effervescent tablets, until her insides were on the outside and she would betray him no more.
A break-off beaver brigade continued to follow the sound of Chester’s flute as he headed for Khafre.
The beavers caused an undue amount of mess on the way by chewing wood, digging holes and creating damns at rapid, vampiric speed. Their constant stopping delayed Chester’s flights and treks and caused him a little duress. He also blamed their presence for his heartbreak in Seti, as the ladies seemed more interested in beaver than in Chester’s magnificent flute. He decided that the errant break-off beaver horde needed a home, but so big was the horde that one home alone would not be suitable.
Khafre sat on the border of Ard Quahila and Neferaten and was home to the source of The Elin. Chester encouraged some of the beavers to remain in Khafre and build new lives and vocations. The beaver were happy to do so, and with a load off of his shoulders, Chester was free to explore other interests.
His interests took the form of an obsession with the local armadillo sanctuary. Chester loved armadillos, especially the way their long fluffy noses sucked up ants. He also wanted to love the curvy veterinarian, Portia, who ran the sanctuary. After some engaging chat-up lines, and compliments about the size of her armadillos, Portia gave Chester a guided tour. She did explain on three occasions that the correct term for the armadillos was aardvarks, but Chester told her that taxonomy was his speciality and she had her ‘nomenclature confused.’ Given Chester’s suave confidence, and large hat, she decided to let it slide.
As they walked about the park, Portia explained the purposes of the aardvark’s long nose, and Chester responded by showing her something longer. Portia was so impressed that the two sampled each other’s company in the woods beyond the watering hole. Chester found her armadillos to be most agreeable, so much so that he returned a short while later.
The sanctuary was closed, but this did not deter Chester. He located Portia in the local tavern offering her armadillos to other men for money. Chester was relieved that he had not had to part with any money but still found her morality somewhat lacking.
An hour later the mayor of Khafre found the fence bordering Ard Quahila was damaged. A large section of the barbed wire had been removed, and Portia’s body was found wrapped in the same wire sporting a sign which said, ‘Crunchy Like a Dillo!’
Chester had managed to forget to close the sanctuary gate, and his flute attracted the aardvarks that he insisted on calling armadillos, and they followed his melody alongside the remaining beavers. Chester offered the armadillos a taste of his blood to prevent weariness.
The aardvarks, or armadillos, however you want to see them, caused a bigger disruption than the beavers on the next leg of Chester’s adventure. This leg took in the sights of Thutmose.
On arrival in Thutmose, the monstrous aardvarks took to digging. They dug around the village, they dug around the irrigation systems, they dug up crops, and they dug under people’s houses.
When approached by the local sheriff, Chester feigned ignorance about the origins of the influx of the armadillos.
The sheriff, Sheriff Leanna of Thutmose, recently transferred from Sapari, called on the urgent expertise of one Detective Cedric. Detective Cedric had already had a very busy day dealing with a bizarre game of blade roulette in Serphage, and a troublesome woman in Sapari who was pestering beggars.
Nicolai-Cedric arrived in his black cloak, holding a revoltingly large magnifying glass. He inspected the armadillos thoroughly, whilst nodding. He concluded that the armadillos were in need of food and were clearly blood drinkers. Chester concurred even though no one asked.
Leanna informed both Cedric and Chester that the creatures were aardvarks not armadillos.
Cedric took great offense at this sort of talk and reminded Leanna that her negativity towards the great people of the armadillo community offended both the vigilante milkmaids and the ink-eaters of Neferaten. He proposed further that such offences attracted a fine of one meal for three, and he did not mean the eating sort. Leanna told him not to be so disgusting, and sent both him and Chester, who was equally enthusiastic about the fine, packing.
Later that day, Detective Cedric was called back to the sheriff station to investigate the untimely death of the sheriff, who appeared to suffer multiple stab wounds that the coroner attributed to three male serial killers from Threnodyl. Cedric proposed replacing the sheriff with the sheriff of Shaenaten, which was done, and shortly after the coroner’s daughter disappeared, and Cedric and Chester got their menage a trois.
Once the great detective Cedric had wrapped up the bizarre mysteries of Neferaten, including the death of Portia, which he determined was self-inflicted for sexual gratification, Chester was free to leave Neferaten.
Chester returned to Corax exhausted by the whole mess, only to find some nutter prowling about his hall of mirrors. Nicolas had left him a glorious gift. He took the nutter to his chambers and turned her into what he called a Poke Bowl.
That same evening Lilith received a complaint from Tiye regarding rabid beavers and a glassblower who had sucked instead of blown. Lilith forwarded the matter to Tepes, as she considered Theaten too stupid to handle such matters.
Tepes received a second letter from the lords of Shepsut about an outbreak of tapeworm, that he replied was not his problem as he managed the Kingdom of Tepes not Neferaten and proposed contacting the veterinarian, Portia.
Unfortunately, Portia could not be bothered to reply.
Tepes then received another letter from Lilith complaining about skin diseases, aardvarks digging holes and the tardiness of her laundry. Tepes, who was sick of being the national complaints committee sent all communications via raven to Theaten.
Theaten could not answer as he had spent the entire afternoon in the bank trying to explain why his identity card said Theaten and not Robert.
Klouthe took the initiative to forward the letters to Nicolas. Nicolai-Binky read them and gave them to Chives with instructions to have the porters dump them in the drains of Ashurrel alongside the bones of some slightly insane, but silent, bank managers, and a few broken clocks that Nicolas had left laying around.
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